Love Over Despair

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It was a normal day going back to our school faculty as a teacher when I tried to open my laptop. Unfortunately, it was not booting up normally. It crashes multiple times than I expect it to be. It' around 3:45 so I decided to continue fixing it at home.


By the time I got home, I ate my dinner then setup my laptop to fix. I've got to do something on it. 

Oh wait! I've got an idea. My laptop just needs a reset.

Sounds easy. It does. But not on my laptop.

It gave me such a hard time and frustration. 

Normally what I would do is to watch couple or Instagram reels until I feel enough tension with my sexual hormone, watch pron and get into an endless loop of frustration.

But not over last night. The Holy Spirit inside of me is so strong that it embraced my mind to do the best thing. My brain knew that I am just bored. 

Instead of doing those thing that would lead me to immorality, I instead watched an inspirational film what was also inspired by the Bible. The movie series name is "The Chosen.". It's about the life of Jesus Christ and his disciples. The movie is so bright that it helps me to communicate more with the Father by the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ. I know while watching, there is a specific scene in there were there is a woman who bleeds for 12 years that she ha a strong faith that only if she touch one thread of Jesus's clothes then she will be healed. I felt the pain, the trust, the faith. I just cried and prayed to God all my concerns. I humbled myself, confessed my sins, revealed my shortcomings and insecurities. I cried while waiting for my laptop to reset.

Yet it still failed to reset. It kept crashing. 

Do God doesn't hear my prayers? -This is a lie from the other side.

So I get upstairs and setup my laptop again on my table. Now it's a hardcore repair for my laptop. For a very long procedure of going back to blue screen, safe mode, UEFI BIOS, it does still crashing. 

Am I frustrated? - Yes
Did I gave up? - No

As I do my best, I still put my trust in Him. Because I know that just as much the woman who bleeds for 12 years, I also have so much faith to God that He will still do miracles for God's glory. 

As I am performing and researching multiple procedure for a solution. There still exist temptations and wrong doings on my head. But I don't bother. The Holy Spirit guided me. God made my path straight.

Instead of doing those and put me in a position of regret, God gave me rest. 

I trusted Him. He showed me a path. Then God gave me rest.

As I took my nap, the resetting process as I remember is 1%.  Quite a great progress. Then my body just lead me to my bed. With my cat. Then I slept.

Around 11:00 PM I woke up and the reset is done. A new afresh program for my laptop. And a fully restored soul.

My heart is full of gratitude. My love for the Lord is a love I give to myself it just won over despair.




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